An old guy goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the Urologist as a precaution.

When he gets there, he discovers the Urologist is a very pretty female doctor.

The female doctor says, “I’m going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to.

I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say,

’99’.

The old guy obeys and says,

“99”.

The doctor says, “Great”,now turn over on your left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say,

’99”.

Again, the old guy says,

’99’.”

The doctor said, “Very good”.

Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly.

I’m going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I’m going to hold on to your penis to keep it out of the way.

Now take a deep breath and say,

’99’.

The old guy begins,

“One…

two…

three…”

You don’t stop laughing because you grow old.

You grow old because you stop laughing!

With thanks to Ed Nelsey

Martha recently lost her husband.

She had him cremated and brought his ashes home.

Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the patio table.

Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him….

You know that dishwasher you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money!”

She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the ashes then said,

“Remember that car you promised me? Well, I also bought it with the insurance money!”

Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing her fingers in the ashes she said,

“Remember that diamond ring you promised me? Bought it too, with the insurance money!”

Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes, She said,

“Remember that blow job I promised you?”

“Here it comes.”